Can you check this letter over for me?

Sondos Irhouma
543 Lakeview crescent N.E.
Calgary, AB T2A R5C

April 20, 2008

Mr. Ibrahim Arid
2612 - 37 Avenue N.E.
Calgary, AB T1Y 5L2


Dear Mr. Arid:

As you know the Grade nine students are requesting approval to visit Banff, Alberta as a year-end field trip on May 23, 2008. The Banff town site may only be a fairly small village, but each year Banff's numerous tourist attractions are explored by several million visitors to the area.

A trip to Banff would be an excellent experience for us, both learning and fun. Banff consists of many tourist attractions for which we can visit. For instance, the Sulfur Mountain Gondola would allow us to view the beautiful scenery and also make many memories with our friends and classmates. Once we reach the upper gondola terminal, we will be able to enjoy a hike up Sulfur Mountain by climbing the moderate 1 km switchback trail, which will enable us to obtain exercise. Once we reach the summit we can sit back and enjoy the amenities.

Not only does Banff have activities to do outdoors, but also offers many educational activities to do indoors--the Banff Museums and Art Galleries is one example. The Banff Park Museum commemorates the country's early approach to natural history and conservation.

Excluding educational activities, Banff offers many impressive shopping centers, clusters of shops and shopping malls in which--after a few hours of hiking and exploring--we can freely walk around and enjoy ourselves.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,




Sondos Irhouma

Grade nine should not be capitalized.
After Alberta, put a comma.

Banff consists of many tourist attractions which we can visit. No "For"


When we reach the summit, we can sit back and enjoy the views.

You already used "once". Amenities means nice things like you'd find in a hotel.

...Art Galleries are two examples.

Unless this is one building, you gave 2 examples.

...shopping malls in which, after a few hours of hiking and exploring, we can freely walk around and enjoy ourselves.

Skip the dashes, use commas correctly instead.

Nice letter with a few minor corrections!

Edit: Hike up Sulphur Mtn is fine if you are hiking on the mtn.
If you are hiking UP TO Sulphur Mtn, you are walking a different path and then reaching the mtn later.

"hike up Sulfur Mountain" should be "hike up to Sulfur Mountain". Also, I think you should say ninth grade students rather than grade nine students because it flows nicer. Everything else looks great.

I have been a professional writer for more than thirty-five years. Your letter looks fine.

It looks great to me. Did you spell-check it? I did not see any errors.

Its not going to get any better!!!

does nt flow or reed to well at least to me u uses banff to much repedative