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I was trying to write a poem on a painting, would you tell me how it sounds? |
take a look at the painting http://www.impressionist-art-gallery.com... "Terrace at Sainte-Adresse" This is how I want, This is what I need, My 鈥淥ne Fine Day鈥?to be. While she was talking, All I could see was: Two inviting red lips. Her impressions moisten my dry, desert tensions. She bathed me with her warm breath. I felt what it feels to be, sitting under a humid sun. As the wind is touching, Every single blade of grass, Every petal of flower, I find this touch, like her long and heavy breath. These little, huge, living, dying, playing waves, Are the blue prints of desires dancing in her eyes. When I see doubt in her eyes, I find these clouds above my skies. This is how my 鈥淭errace at Sainte-Adresse鈥?feels to be, Just like sitting under her carefree smile. ------------------------------... i am not sure of fruits of my work, so anything from you is valuable. thanks the painting is casual, as well as your poem. pretty much a match. are you an impressionist? well, there's so much to tell on a poem.. but sometimes a picture or a painting can tell more than what one can utter. but you certainly repainted it through your poem. i like it..... :-) Well, I'm not here to give you any advice since I don't know jack about poems. But I can say that I read it and I thought about how I was relating to your poem. Just a funny feeling. Wish I had enough courage to post something like that. I don't know how correct or incorrect the poem is, but I thought it was well done. Nice! I like its almost lack of form and unstructured-ness. Good job. A few lines are quite good, and resolved. Best thing to do is work on something else for a while or take a break. Return to it again with fresh eyes and mind. The best aspects of your poem will shout out to you as will any weak areas. One day you will have no doubts your work is finished. Good effort. The poem is nice and it relates well with the painting. You have expressed it well with your poem as the metaphors are good. Good job :-) Very good Monet was one of the great impressionists. Each gleans their own when viewing such; hence, impressionism. Your poem is well-appointed, yet unto yourself does it carry. I cannot quite say that Monet's work here impresses me in the same wise as does your poem. Let a poem impress feeling and imagery more directly, for a painting conveys the light and sound of Light over the light and sound of Sound as in the case of music... |
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