NOTE: BEFORE READING THIS REVIEW 鈥atch the video along with the corresponding number, example it comes up to police car, you watch the video until you see the police car, and pause then read the review after police car is we the best in ludas fingers, watch up to that part, pause the video, read the review and do that for eveyone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKnSpimeA...
Words of Matthew Mundy
It鈥檚 rare that I鈥檒l stumble across something so atrocious, so execrable in every way, that I am compelled to write about it. It is even rarer still that DJ Khaled, an irrelevant, screeching hyena of a man with no clear talents of his own (aside from being able to coerce every single rapper below the Mason-Dixon to appear on his songs, the vast majority of which are not even produced by him), would elicit such strong feelings from me.
The piece of wretched, abominable art that was able to wrench a string of hyperbole and venom out of me is 鈥?drum roll, please - the video for the 鈥業鈥檓 So Hood鈥?remix.
Now, I love this song 鈥?featuring no less than eight rappers and one vocoder-voiced hook machine, it鈥檚 a posse cut par excellence. The video itself boasts, aside from the assorted talent involved in the song itself, a stunning array of guest spots, including E-40, Bushwick Bill (!!!), DJ Drama, Slim Thug, Joell Ortiz, and others.
What could go wrong?
The answer, my friends, is everything.
1. DJ Khaled - Now, his intros have long launched themselves past parody, making Jazze Pha鈥檚 look positively brief and rational by comparison. This one is a special one though. First, he looks absolutely ridiculous, parading his bizarrely shaped frame around as he attempts to trump his previous hand gestures with even more exaggerated and out-of-place gesticulations. Second, and most delightfully, he says a bunch of absolutely crazy sh*t (including the questionable dropping of the n-bomb), capping it off with his signature 鈥榃e the best!鈥?and 鈥榃e run this!鈥?All of this, of course, is said in his inimical voice, a hysterical screech that more often than not haunts me when I fall asleep at night.
2. The green (or blue) screen - Oh, yes. This is the shittiest employment of this technology I have had the misfortune to which my eyes have born witness. Ever. Why they couldn鈥檛 simply walk outside and film in front of buildings is beyond me. Surely they weren鈥檛 sufficiently impressed enough with the effects being employed that they thought that this would be a suitable stand-in for a dilapidated building. While I鈥檓 not privy to such decisions, I find it absolutely remarkable that more than one person signed off on this. It鈥檚 stunning鈥he depths of human stupidity.
3. DJ Khaled鈥gain - The possibility of Khaled being a performance artist, perpetrating an elaborate hoax on hip-hop, just sprung to mind as a potential explanation for his continued existence. Nothing else could explain his hilarious signaling and waving in the background as Jeezy (and everybody else) rhymes. Just watch him. Every single movement seems choreographed to elicit maximum laughter. It鈥檚 a stunning piece of physical comedy. He also keeps on mouthing everybody鈥檚 words and f*cking them up.
4. The police car - This looks like it came out of a bad video game. Perhaps this is an advertisement for an 鈥業鈥檓 So Hood鈥?video game? That would be the only thing explain the shoddy, shoddy graphics. That, and congenital blindness.
5. The 鈥榃E THE BEST鈥?graphics that go over Luda鈥檚 middle fingers - At this point, I鈥檓 almost at a loss for words as to what鈥檚 going on this video. And why did some random dude just walk up to make a call on the (poorly) digitally penciled-in phone booth?
6. Luda knocking over said phone booth at the end of his (legitimately awesome) verse - Priceless.
7. The weird tilting of the camera - I suppose that this was one of the reasons that they decided to go with the shitty graphics of shitty buildings, rather than the shitty buildings themselves. Khaled must have been like 鈥淚t would be 鈥?we the best! 鈥?great if we could get the camera to do weird, jerky 鈥?we run this, man! 鈥?movements all over the place while people are just trying to watch the video. And interrupt those epileptic movements with 鈥?I make hit records! 鈥損oorly executed zooms and 鈥?it鈥檚 what I do! 鈥?other camera tricks. We the best!鈥?br>
8. Busta鈥檚 clothes - Wow. This video gets better and better. Just when you thought the dull palette and piss-poor animation had satisfactorily plumbed the depths of visual mediocrity, in comes Busta with one of the most unintentionally hilarious costumes I鈥檝e ever seen. Cloaked in a huge, ugly jacket, a puffy, bloated leather hat, and wearing what appears to be 215 pounds of chains around his neck, Busta gets high marks for the boldness of his vision. One second, he takes his jacket off. Then, in the very next scene, he has his jacket back on, and there鈥檚 money falling down from the fake buildings all around him, interspersed with random close-ups of some anonymous girl. At this point, DJ Khaled is just getting uncomfortably, Beanie Sigel-close to the rappers, half-heartedly flailing his arms around his considerable heft. It鈥檚 a performance for the ages.
9. The random kid appearing next to Big Boi with what looks to be a mummified puppy in his arms - Sweet. I don鈥檛 know how, or why, Big Boi gave the go-ahead on this video, but he did. He must have negotiated a little harder than the others though, as Khaled bestows upon him not one, but two startlingly mediocre backdrops to rap in front of.
10. Weezy - By far the best part of his verse is when a shirtless Wayne holds up a computer printout (I was impressed they used a color printer) of a Maybach and rips it, only to reveal 鈥?through the impressive use of mid-90s digital trickery 鈥?a different scene entirely!
11. Fat Joe - At least he shows up for a second to compete with Khaled as the most untalented person there. It was looking like a runaway victory for a second.
12. Baby not getting the memo for who was supposed to wear the most chains in the video - Unfortunate, for him.
13. Rick Ross - Oh, yes. What in the world is Ross wearing? He looks deranged & homeless with the beard, the sunglasses, and the ill-fitting red tracksuit. Then, there鈥檚 the hand-drawn 2 for 40 sign. At this point, I think Khaled was given $185 for the video, Ross just lost out on the last verse and was given the privilege to rap in two giant red plastic bags.
14. The Koch Entertainment ending credit - Just in case you were unsure what world-beating record label was behind this masterpiece. I didn't type it
"words of Matthew Mundy" Wow, you even caught the printer and wheezy thing. Then the dog and Big Boi thing. Then I swear the funniest thing you said was that Baby didn't get the memo about who was supposed to wear the most chains and was left out!!! That, that was the killer for me, for that you get ten stars!! You need to write for Rolling Stones or something. You pick up the little things that everyone else misses!! And I had to pick myself up off the floor about Rick Ross and the two giant plastic bags. You really need to think about looking into writing in your spare time for someone. You pick out the best pieces and elaborate on them in the BEST way. This was some of your BEST!!! I loved it!!! I can only give you one star but if I could give you more I would!! looks like hip hop P I isn't the only one who does a lot of research, LOL 13. Rick Ross - Oh, yes. What in the world is Ross wearing? He looks deranged & homeless with the beard, the sunglasses, and the ill-fitting red tracksuit. Then, there鈥檚 the hand-drawn 2 for 40 sign. At this point, I think Khaled was given $185 for the video, Ross just lost out on the last verse and was given the privilege to rap in two giant red plastic bags.
lmao
the whole thing was funny Hilarious, indeed.
"Oh, yes. This is the shittiest employment of this technology I have had the misfortune to which my eyes have born witness. Ever. Why they couldn鈥檛 simply walk outside and film in front of buildings is beyond me" - that's why I never watch the whole thing. lol Wow, that was just funny, those little details can be big after someone points them out.
It actually made me get through a whole DJ Khaled video I was in two whether to throw every rap CD I have outta da window when I saw KRS-One on that lame excuse of a music video. "11. Fat Joe - At least he shows up for a second to compete with Khaled as the most untalented person there."
lmao Lol, that was really funny... I ACTUALLY looked for ALL of these things and even had to wind it back a couple of times... Funny. LMAO...i was laughin the whole way...im literally lmao and to think... people have told me *I'M* observant lol i am at a loss for words.
you get a star.
nuff said. Wow, i'll give you a star for even wasting your time typing all of this. But i never noticed all of that before. what a shame. |
