Would this bother you?

My wife and I have been married for five months. Her ex-husband wasn't required to pay child support since their divorce until recently... (approximately 5 months). My wife is required to help him pay for a real estate investment of HIS that has went bad. He lives in another state and when he calls the kids it is at thier bed time. We are there when they have a bad day at school and need a shoulder to cry on... you know the day to day parent stuff that isn't so fun and entertaining.

Now he finally has his kids for a few days... and he is showing them a good time while they are with him (which is great)... and my wife mentions to me that she is proud of her ex-husband for taking his kids to disney. Since they have been there with him he couldn't figure to put batteries in a camera and he found it difficult to look for their shoes when they couldn't find them... ofcourse he had to call my wife. Would her statement about being proud of her ex grate on your nerves?

Well first I can empathize with your situation. My ex spouce is also kind of a schmuk about the expences and moral support with the children that he helped to make. My new husband has been paying for everything, (working overtime in order todo it) supporting them when they've had problems in school and most importantly being supportive of me when I need his backing. It sounds like he is just the "candy man" kind of father. No kid is going to understand the difference, I can understand your aggrevation and worry. Just remember that he is the X and you are the man she chose to live and be partners with for the rest of your lives. The kids will grow and mature with time and ultimately learn to value all the daddy duties that aren't maybe so "fun" and you will always comeout on top with your wife.

-Yes,but obviously you do realize that your wife and her ex are still connected as former spouses and more so because of the children.
-You will hear many more such comments and sometimes it will hurt,but you must learn to ride each blow,then in time you won't be affected;After all she is with you now!

I understand your point but your wife is just looking for the positive things in a negative situation. Instead of feeling cranky about it, be grateful you're married to a kind, understanding woman.

What do you think...do you think she is still interested in him? Better ask her!

She is trying to be positive. It is hard on Mom's to have their kids go off with their dads. Especially if the dad did something to really hurt her. It sounds like your wife is trying to see the best in the situation. It probably hurts her feelings that they are able to go there and have more fun than when they are with her (it is hard to be the day-to-day parent). So she is trying to see the good in the situation. Also, maybe she was concerned about the time the kids spend with him and was glad that he is actually spending time with them instead of just having them over.

He is going to be in your life as long as the kids are, so you should lighten up. You need to be supportive of your wife, and not try to read into small comments. It sounds like she is trying to do her best for her kids.

Oh - and it sounds like you care for them a lot too. I hope it works out.

Maybe she's proud that he is spending time with his kids. When I'm with my dad he always takes me and my sibs out to do fun things that my mom can't take us to do, like traveling or long camping trips or hiking the tallest mountain in Utah, Nevada, California, and Idaho, or just whatever. So we always have fun, lots of really cool experiences, and have a close relationship with our dad, and he got to enjoy being with his kids before we all grew up (oldest 2 are now married)

Now my step dad on the other hand, when his kids come to visit, he lays around the house and sends them to their friends' houses and dumps them on my mom to babysit. Well six years later they aren't little kids anymore and he never took them to do anything fun or memorable. To them visiting dad meant sitting around the house and watching a lot of movies.

Then there are the dads that never see their kids at all.

Maybe that's what she's proud of. She's proud that he's making an effort to be in their lives. He may call late but at least he calls (of course maybe the kids could tell him to call a few hours earlier) My mom complains about raising us and the day to day stuff, and she wishes she could do more with us, but when we only see our dad a few times a year, we want to make the best of it.

Yes, I can honestly say it is difficult for a spouse to hear compliments from their wife about her ex and it would be best if she kept these comments to herself. She most likely expressed her happiness over the fact that her ex is finally making an effort to do his part as far as parenting his children. I know you are the one who is there during not just the good times but also the bad times and trust me, the children will not forget your loving kindness and neither will your wife. So the real issue here is not so much her complimenting her ex husband, it is how you are beginning to feel unappreciated. Talk to her about it.

I can see how you feel. You're not getting the kudos you deserve for the day to day parenting like you said. And she isn't telling you she's proud of you. And it's hard not to be negative and say that. It's hard not to say, "Well, we'll see how long this lasts..." or something to that effect. But you know, I might just say to her, "You know, that comment bothers me and hurts my feelings because I'm the one who's here every day parenting with them, and yet you're 'proud' of him? Thanks a lot." But that's just me. If I don't speak my mind (and you don't have to be rude or sarcastic about it), I usually end up pissed and resentful. Speak your mind, you'll feel better.