Do you like redneck humor....?

Are you ready Jamie lol....

Your definition of "getting lucky" is finding a lottery ticket in your wife's jeans.

You met your wife on The Jerry Springer Show.

The most romantic moment in your life was captured on a security camera.

You think rug burns are a sexually transmitted disease.

Your wedding reception was a tailgate party.

If you've ever given your date flowers you stole from a cemetery

You've ever french-kissed within five feet of a dumpster.

You had your anniversary dinner at the food court in the mall.

In preparation for a romantic evening, you stop by the grocery store for a bottle of Mr. Bubble.

You've ever hot-wired a motel vibrating bed.

Sex education at your school included advice on avoiding the steering wheel.

You have to roll up your sleeve and look at your arm to spell your wife's name.

You've ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your honeymoon hotel advertised "Truckers welcome."

You're making "rabbit ears" behind the bride in your wedding photos.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You carried your bride over the threshold in a fork lift.

You got a new set of teeth as a wedding present.

Your current girlfriend was the midwife at the birth of your child.

Your wife puts candles on a pan of corn bread for your birthday.

A dating service matches you up with a relative.

You proposed while watching a football game out of the corner of your eye.

You've ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.

Your favorite pickup line is "Dang, are those things real?"

There were dogs in the church on your wedding day.

You had a prom night and a wedding night, but not in that order.

You remember the entire NASCAR schedule, but can't remember your wife's birthday.

For laughs, you watch your wife's delivery video backwards.

Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.

You've ever celebrated your wife's birthday in a tree.

You've ever used ketchup in the bedroom.

Your brother-in-law played the Wedding March on a kazoo.

Your wife can drink a gallon of hooch quicker than you can.

You confused shaving cream for whipped cream and didn't notice until morning.

You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.

Your wedding reception was catered by your previous wife.

Your will states your wife can't touch your money until she's 14.

At the wedding, you and your wife Instant Messaged your vows.

When people talk about the Big Easy, you think they are referring to your ex-girlfriend.

You proposed to your wife while working under your truck.

Your definition of "getting lucky" is passing the emissions test.

The last time you fought with your wife was on The Jerry Springer Show.

Your favorite sex position is "awake".

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You're making payments on more than one wedding ring.

You took your honeymoon photos to Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.

You have to reschedule your wedding because the alimony payment was late.

The most romantic moment of your life was captured on a security camera.

You've ever flirted over a drive-thru window speaker.

Your bed is held together with baling wire.

Your belt buckle cost more than the wedding ring.

You go to the Jiffy Lube to pick up women.

Your wife ever had to use her Bear Spray on you.

Your wedding reception was catered by Hooters.

You refer to the van as the "Love Machine."

The first time you saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.

You've ever had to hide a bra before you make love.

You think "dinner reservations" means they've tasted your wife's cooking.

You've ever had sex in a satellite dish.

You wrote your girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom wall.

You met your wife when she came to repossess your pickup truck.

The menu for the wedding buffet included possum.

The champagne fountain at your wedding was full of beer.

Your favorite sex position is on all fours.

You can't remember what name you used on your marriage license.

You scheduled your wedding during a conjugal visit.

You hit on the midwife while your wife was in labor.

You married your wife for her socket set.

Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.

You think "showing a girl a good time" means letting her bait the hook.

You gave your wife a glue gun for your anniversary.

You've ever won a wedding ring in a poker game.

Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

You had a marriage license before you had a driver's license.

You've ever told a bride, "You clean up pretty good."

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

You and your wife stay married for the sake of the dogs.

I guess Jack is not into reading a lot, maybe we can get him a Jack and Jill book lol!

LM(_!_)O!! Ya know I love these redneck jokes! Being a redneck myself I take absolutely no offense to any of them! in fact...

Your belt buckle cost more than the wedding ring.

Is absolutely true in my case!

Thanks for the BA! You can award BA to someone from anywhere you want. Southerners aren't the only rednecks, the world is crawling with them. They are just not called rednecks everywhere. But let's face it, They are out there and they KNOW who they are! Report It

Wow an amazing collection-star

excellent

ah ha ha ha

No i dont sorry

I'm gonna get me some bear spray. Just because. Great! LOL!!
-Mel

lmao..were do you get em?..~star~..xx

"A dating service matches you up with a relative" and "your will states that your wife cant touch your money til she's 14", i believe is the funniest thing that i ever heard!!! I'm so glad that i took the time to read that!! starred!!

lolz!!!!



Thanks for the laughs! Needing them today! It's been a looong week... and it's only Thursday!!!

LOL...thanks Fred, these are great!!!!! you know, i have some older in laws that actually eat possum. isn't that so gross(yuck). my husband's side of the family is so red neck, he doesn't fit in with them, and they all know it. they make fun of me, i'm too pretty, or i'm a city girl(even though i lived in the country all my life, i even lived on a farm when i was little, but because i don't want to bait a hook, or act like them, i'm the weird one....these are so funny!!!!

thanks for helping me start my day off with a laugh.star, i'm really looking forward to your humour, can't see why anyone would be offended, no-one forces then to read it.

lazy people that dont know how to appreciate a great list of jokes. haha this list was great im going to remember it if i ever go down south.

For your information Jack, you probably have never read, so let me tell you something. 11 year old kids are reading books with 500+ pages, and this is short compared to those books I read in my middle school year like Inkheart, Harry Potter and whatnot.

anyway, ROFLMAO, nice!

lmabo. these were so funny, I would just like to say i love reading all your jokes no matter if they are long or shortt, they always turn out good in the end star for you.

How do you circumsize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

******************

One day Billy Bob and Bobbie Jo (who were bro and sis) were having sex. Billy Bob tells his sister " hey you screw like mom."
Bobbie Jo tells her brother, " I know, dad already told me"

wot the fck u think iim going 2 read all that, u lost ur mind or wot a bit shorter wuld be nice...