Did I steal her thunder?

Inspired by a very interesting question about upstaging the bride, I want you ladies (and I said ladies, skanks refrain please) to give me your opinion.

On a wedding that I attended in California the totally fabulous bride and groom had the wedding of their dreams on a gorgeaus location. The event required a lot of work. Both the bride and groom and the wedding party worked their butts off to set up such a large event. By the time the wedding took place, everyone was tired and they just wanted to go home to sleep.

The bride didn't get along with the MIL or FIL, and neither of the families spoke with each other during the ceremony or reception. It was quite awkard.

Anyway, the MIL and FIL were delighted by my presence, I paid special attention to the gradmother and she loved me. The MIL danced with me, we laughed, his family and I had a great time. The bridesmaids wanted to be with me, the flower girl jumped on my lap and followed me around, the photographer was smitted w/me

I did not dress or do anything out of the ordinary, but people seem to liked me a lot during the party.

The only explanation that I have for this is that the bride was bridezilla and evryone was sick and tired of her being unpleaseant and rude. The In-laws hated her and did not want anything to do with her. On the reception both bride and groom were tired and did not have the energy (or sense) to socialize or do anything, They just sat there tired and looking that they were falling asleep.

It's not my fault that his family liked me so much, Ithink the MIl out of spite tried to put me in a pedestal just to make her feel jealous. Now the bride resents me... what do you think?

I think you've accomplished something she couldn't, the approval of mil & fil. You were the life of the party while she was pooped.

What were you supposed to do? Sit by them and not enjoy the party? They worked hard to put the party together. It doesn't make sense that they wanted any of their guests not to enjoy themselves.

Were you tipsy? If you were borderline drunk, that's a whole nother matter.

You can never go wrong paying attention to g-ma & children. It's a kind and humane thing to do.

No, you didn't steal her thunder. She stole it herself by not getting enough rest before the big party.

TX Mom

Oh darn, I was going to answer this, but I"m a skank. =(

no not really, she has the problem with everyone not u. what are u supposed to do be rude to other guests at her wedding. maybe this showed her how petty she is.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. There are just some people who are "people persons". You're one of them!

A good attitude and friendly demeanor go a long way, as the bride has yet to learn. Her day was ruined by her own bad attitude.

Don't worry about it too much :)

P.S. That wedding must have been really awkward LOL.

I think you need an outside opinion as to whether you did anything to attract this attention. From the way you describe it, you don't sound like you are giving a fair assesment of your role. Delighted by your presence? Smitten with you? You sound like you need to check yourself.

Well, I think I fall into the "lady" category, so here it goes...

I think that if the bride and groom put that much work into a wedding, there is no reason you shouldn't have fun. That is the point of a reception, isn't it? And it's the brides decision to not socialize with her in-laws. Her dislike for them isn't reason enough for everyone to turn their backs on the groom's family.

The bride probably now realizes how much time she wasted sitting around instead of enjoying her reception. She's just jealous that you enjoyed it more than her.

Bottom line--the bride chose to not have a good time, and you did. Nothing wrong there!

I think Sarah Jane said it best, your offering of the situation was extremely one sided.

I don't think you did anything wrong. It sounds like you were just being yourself. If the bride and groom were too exhausted from the planning to socialize than the bride especially has no reason to be upset with you. If she knows how her new husbands parents are and should have been aware what they were trying to do. No you didn't intentionally steal her thunder circumstances just made it that way. That's just my opinion.

You didn't steal her thunder - she gave it up by being Bridezilla - and from being so completely stressed out by the whole event (THE reason why I detest big-bash weddings)

You, with a naturally buoyant nature, happy and relaxed demeanor and joyful expression were thrust onto center stage.

What were you supposed to do? act like these people didn't exist?

I'm positive that you were wonderful to everyone - the bride for her glowing beauty, groom for his dashing good looks, the whole bridal party for their hard work - etc. etc. But because you had a happy, relaxed demeanor etc. well, you naturally were more attractive than tired, crabby, selfish breezily Bridezilla.

Now then. What to do about the bride resenting you? Nothing. It will blow over - if everyone lets it.

NOW, if Bridezilla cares to pursue a vindictive approach, you will have to screw up the courage to tell her precisely what kind of a spoiled, selfish and mean-spirited brat she really is and that she should thank her lucky stars that a nice man like Groom was willing to marry her. But if she doesn't let up, even he will open his eyes one day and see her for the snake she really is - and run off with the chambermaid.

Either way, I would re-think any friendship with this woman - she sounds unbalanced.

Bridezillas resent everything if they are not the center of attention at every moment. This includes every day of their meaningless lives. It has nothing to do with you being personable and fun. Either she gets over it or she doesn't. Don't let her ruin your day....that's exactly what she's trying to do. At the next family get together make sure you show up...I'm sure Gramma, MIL and FIL would love to have you.

It's every girl's dream to be loved by a man's family and weddings tend to bring the worst out in people. I understand you don't feel like you did anything wrong because you didn't "dress out of the ordinary," but try to take it from the bride's perspective. This is a day she's looked forward to for a long time. She's worked her tail off to pull it off without a hitch, and thanks to you and the others in the party. it was a success. What a terrible feeling to be disliked by your new in-laws! I imagine she was/is hurt and disappointed to find herself in such a situation. It doesn't matter who is at fault for these strained feelings. What does matter is your support for her. Yes, I think you got caught up in being liked by his family and possibly stole the show in her eyes. I believe it would be in your best interest to apologize for her hurt feelings by recognizing a couple of things you could have done differently. I am not suggesting that you are malicious; just a bridesmaid who got wrapped up in being liked.

Do I think you stole her thunder? No, and here is why.

1. You did nothing unlike your normal self to attract the attention you received.

2. If she really was a bridezilla, that can not be your fault. It clearly was a fault of her own.

3. Her inlaws obvioulsy have issues with her and they were not brought on just because of the large, extravagant wedding-the issues with her must be deeper than her awful bridezillaness.

4. People naturally want to have a good time at weddings and will do what they can to enjoy themselves-they came to you for the enjoyment they were owed for attending this wedding.

Let her resent you or explain to her that you did nothing wrong. Don't apologize to her though, by doing that she will not realize that she needs to have a good relationship with her inlaws. If she can't see that it was her fault than good luck to her marriage!

When you out do someone with manners and just being polite then it's a well deserved upstaging. Now if you wore a white beaded cocktail dress and sat in the grooms lap- then that's a problem. Sound like this bride is like my ex-crazy friend.... your a nice friendly person with good manners and people like you... so she is going to Hate you no matter what. She should be more embarrassed by her own behavior instead of worrying about if you might have out done her. Pretty sad that her manners where so bad you acutally out did her!!

PS- anyone who makes the wedding party set up without telling them is a B anyways!

If you just met the couple, what was your connection that you were at the wedding?

I think they paid the price of being unsociable. They CHOSE to sit there and not mingle or dance or be good hosts. If nobody danced, they'd be upset they hired a band and nobody appreciated it.

It is a real shame the in laws don't care for their new DIL, but sometimes its earned. My SIL is awful to my brother-right in front of us. Then she wonders why we're a bit cold to her.

At any rate, what's done is done. Even if you upstaged them, it sounds as if little effort was required to do so.

The guest just wanted to be around an angel soemone with character and life they sensed one and that one was you

people sense these things and when there is not a good vibe in the air they don't want to be around.

You made the night!

She was sitting in the shadows. You were just being a sociable guest. You havent done anything wrong.
I just wonder if her behaviour is really the whole story? It takes two to fight, meaning the bride-- and his family. If they were using you to make the bride feel bad, they should be equally ashamed as the bride should be. What a poor display for their guests.

Bridezilla's suck! To each their own. At least you had fun.

You did nothing wrong. Hey you are sociable, people like sociable people. Don't change!!

You were just being social. You brought life to a party that had none. They enjoyed your presence for that night only. I'm sure they didn't leave the reception talking about you all night, even if they did manage to remember your name. The main event was the wedding and if the bride couldn't make peace with her in laws, that's her problem and that's what her in laws will remember, not you.

You couldnt help it. Sadly it seems like this happens a lot because the bride is not in the mood for the wedding after the planning. I wouldnt feel too bad about it...not your fault

I don't think you "stole her thunder." I think it seems like you were more attentive to what was going on. Which is what the bride and groom SHOULD have been doing.
So I don't think you should worry.

Sounds like its more jealousy on their part than you up staging the wedding couple.

If you didn't do anything to draw this attention, it is simply your winning and approachable personality that is attracting these people. You don't have a problem with either side of the family, so obviously you will be well liked, unlike the bride....who somehow managed to alienate the MIL and FIL--all on her own.

As long as you didn't go our of your way to steal the spot light, I think your safe. It's not your fault that the lavish wedding came with all the drama.