My fiance booked our wedding, then her best friend stole her thunder by doing same, is this betrayal??

I have been engaged to my beautiful girlfriend since July of last year we announced to all of our family and friends that we were getting maried in september of this year. My fiance picked all her bridesmaids and her best friend for maid of honour immediately after the announcement. All responded with delight.
That was fine for a few weeks at least until the maid of honour then booked her wedding 3 weeks ahead of ours maintaining that she wanted to get married just before us as she had no othe time available, then she chose the same church, attempted to book the same photographer and even the same priest.
Keep in mind the maid of honour is supposed to accept the role on the basis that she will offer full and total support to the bride as it is only a once in a lifetime occasion. Also keep in mind she is a life long supposed best friend of the bride.
My question is really not one that requires a yes or no answer merely an opinion. My opinion is of utmost betrayal to a best friend.

Live and let live, it's annoying but don't let it make you bitter. Not much of a best friend, is it the only time she's behaved like this? Is there a reason from the past that you don't know of why she is trying to get in first?

Well, it's not nice at all but it happens all the time. I constantly read things like this on here. If your fiance is truly as upset about it as you are, she can try to talk to her about it but it's not going to change anything. Just focus on things you can control and realize that everyone knows you were first and that she is being petty. Focus on your day and your happiness.

I agree..total betrayal. I would find a new maid of honor as this one has no intentions of performing MOH duties...she will be too busy planning her own wedding.

Ok, your whole "utmost betrayal" thing is a bit overdramatic. I do agree that it was rude of the friend to do that and that she's trying to steal your fiancee's thunder. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that. Your fiancee needs to decide whether or not this is worth losing a friend over. if not, then she's just going to have to get over it.

My husband's sister did the same thing to us. Four months before our wedding (which we'd been planning for over a year), she decided that she couldn't handle her younger brother getting married first, so she planned her wedding for three weeks before ours. Were we annoyed? Yes. Did it make planning things a bit more difficult for us? Yes. Was it worth completely severing our relationship with his sister? Of course not. As I said to my husband, "Our wedding day is special because I get to marry you, and nothing anyone else does can take that away. If she needs to get married before us in order for her wedding to be special to her, then that makes me worry about her reasons for getting married, but it doesn't affect our relationship or our wedding."

I think it's very selfish and she should be demoted to a regular bridesmaid. You're right that your fiance needs someone she can rely on and this "friend" obviously can't plan her own wedding and be helpful to the two of you at the same time.

i wouldnt say betrayal i'd say down right evil !!!!!!!!!!!

she doesnt sound like much off a friend to me get rid of her get a new maid of honour and have a great wedding and amny blissful years together

i'm afraid that i could no longer allow her to be my maid of honour...i think its in very bad taste what she has done - that is not the actions of a true friend.

I don't know if I'd go as far as betrayal, sometimes life circumstances dictate these kinds of things and maybe she just can't help the date.

But considering her involvement in her own ceremony, I'd expect her to understand if your fiance wants to ask someone else to be her maid of honor since you are absolutely right that the maid of honor is supposed to have the bride as her first priority.

I completely agree with your opinion. What she did was shady and she's not acting like a friend much less a best friend. The fact is that she will be so busy planning her own wedding (or stealing your fiance's ideas for her wedding) that she won't be able to give the support that a moh should.

If it were me - and I'm a spiteful ****** - I would let her know that she is out of the wedding asap. You can just explain to her that with her wedding coming 3 weeks before yours that you don't think she will be able to fulfill her duties. This makes perfect sense so hopefully she won't be able to argue about it much. Depending on how far the church is from where you live you might even be too busy to attend her wedding.

And tell your fiance to stop giving this girl details about your wedding NOW!!! That would drive me crazy! You don't want the same guests at both weddings to get wedding deja vu - especially when your wedding is second and will look like the repeat wedding. I'm so sorry to hear that you find yourselves in this position. I hope it works out & good luck!

Of course not!! Look, let other people get on with their lives and you guys just get on with living yours. Life is too short for petty tiffs between friends. As you said, she has been your fiance's best friend for years, so ask yourselves this....has she ever betrayed you before? If the answer is, as I suspect, 'No' then why would she start now? Give her a break and go to the wedding and stop being childish the pair of you!!

I have posted this before and I will say it again--wait a few months after you get engaged to pick your bridal party. My friend told me this after she had a bad experience...I didn't listen of course, then I had the same experience that she did. So, just wait and see how your friends react to your engagement.
As for your fiance I feel bad for her. This girl accepted the position as maid of honor but it doesn't seem like she is taking her position that seriously. I know that when I have been a bridesmaid/maid of honor I have made myself available to the bride...especially the last few weeks of planning. For her to book her wedding 3 weeks before, and do this knowingly, I think is a little rude and inconsiderate of your fiances feelings. Some people might say that it's this girls wedding and she can have it whenever she wants...but I personally feel it was inconsiderate.
If this is really bothering your fiance than I would have her talk with her friend about this. If they have a falling out, then so be it...the only reason that i say that is because on the day of your wedding, and the days leading up to your wedding, you don't want to be angry or hostel with the person who is supposed to be your best friend...that wouldn't be right.
I don't know if i would call it betrayal...but I would definitely say she was not taking her best friend into consideration.

It's not very nice and the MOH sounds like a spoiled attention-hogging brat...but I will say that if she also got engaged around the same time, what are her choices? Wait an extra year for you guys to get married? Does not sound reasonable. Get married in the winter? Depending on where you live that might not be a good option either.
Also please keep in mind, MOH is to support the bride, not be her slave. I'm planning my wedding all by myself - no mom, no MOH....and it is doable! Finally, before you all are bitter for the rest of your lives, remember imitation is the finest form of flattery and referrals in the crazy world of wedding vendors are priceless. My acquaintence (not even a friend invited to the wedding!) sent me a list of all her vendors, feedback on them AND WHAT SHE PAID!! My some of my wedding details are remarkably similar to hers and/or are referrals from the vendors she used that are already booked - why would I start from scratch when I already know there's a vendor she LOVED who is in my budget?

The best friend is obviously thinking of herself. She agreed to be the maid of honor then planned her own wedding for three weeks before yours? How much help can she be to your fiance now? She's going to be totally caught up in her own planning, wedding, and honeymoon. And it is totally tactless for her to steal all your ideas for venue, photographer, priest, etc.

Yes it is betrayal. I know excatly what she is going through as Im getting married in August 2nd and my best friend is getting married that last week of July. She isnt th eone that tryied do all the same things as me though, my soon to be sister n law is getting married in May and she has stole my colors, th eplace we are getting married, and even the photographer. Thank goodness the lady doing pictures is my fiances ex-wife(hahahaha) and she has told her no. Tell her to keep her head up and even though she may not want to, sh emay want to rethink her MOH. Good Luck and Congrats!

I think it's pretty rude and not very tactful but you can't go change it. How does your fiancee feel?
Also my best friend and I got married a little over a month apart...we shared a lot of ideas (sometimes I felt she had to be bigger and better then me). But we also shared information on reception centers and photographers and such...I used the same photographer my former two roommates did (didn't break any hearts there) and I checked out other suggestions for cakes and such.
So if your girl and her best bud are planning around the same stuff it's possible that information and fabulous ideas are shared. But yes I think her friend crossed the line by using ALL the same things.

what is your fiance saying?they are friends after all?
personally i think is very little tact and respect.
I saw a lot of people tring using their friends photographer and venue and even the dress end up looking toooo similar and I saw many cuts fight for this, but is down to the two ladies.
I can tell you that if my best friend does that, she's not longer my friend.Anyway congratulations.

Find another maid of honour.

Hmmm.. sounds mighty suspicious. I think your sweetie needs to rethink her choices of who stands up for her in church, and let the other person go on their merry. good luck.

Yes, it was rude. Your fiance should talk to her best friend and tell her that she hurt your fiance's feelings. If your fiance still wants her to be a maid-of-honor, my suggestion is let her be the maid-of-honor, but let her have limited access to the planning. (The maid-of-honor doesn't have to help in ALL the planning. Tradition, yes, but her time to shine is at the wedding standing beside and supporting the bride.) Tell her that you both want a unique experience, and she also will be busy planning her own wedding.

Then keep her out of most of the planning. She can help after her wedding is done, but not before. She will be busy with her own wedding. You don't need her copying your ideas either. Finally, find some way to make your wedding unique and pop out... something that will make it very different from her wedding.

If the other bride's maids are helping with the wedding plans, they may need to be encouraged to keep their mouths shut about some of the planning so the copycat doesn't get any ideas.

This girl may have the best intentions and still care about your fiance, and maybe she thinks she can kill 2 birds with one stone (plan your wedding and hers at the same time), but the girl doesn't really know how much she is hurting her best friend... or herself. Make sure you talk to her about this problem before your fiance loses her best friend.

Well, it certainly sounds like SELFISH behavior on the part of the MOH... I don't know that I'd go so far as to call it betrayal. Yeah, it's pretty cheesy to sneak in ahead of the best friend's wedding that's been planned for over a year, especially using the same church, etc., and assuming that many of the same people will be attending.

I will offer some things to consider, though:
Is there a reason for the MOH's rush? I mean, is her fiance' heading off to Iraq, or will they be moving to take a new job? Is an important family member seriously ill with cancer? Is the church booked solid for the next 6 months after your wedding? Is the church "her" church, or is there a particular reason for her to really want it (her mother was married there or something)? Were all the other churches in town booked for that time frame? All these things are possible, and I would consider them valid, although not necessarily good, reasons for scheduling ahead of your wedding.

When my husband and I got engaged in November of '92 (yeah, so okay I'm old!), we chose May 30th as our preferred wedding date for several reasons. But before we were able to announce it, his first cousin told everyone that she had selected that date. We couldn't reschedule for later in the summer, given our various job requirements, so we moved it back to the 9th. (The weddings were in different towns, however.) I know this isn't an exact parallel to your situation, but just an example of why choosing a date before yours might happen.

I agree with the person above who suggested that your fiancee' might need to find a new MOH -- she just won't be available to help your fiancee' to the degree that she needs to as maid of honor, since MOH will be dealing with all the post-wedding fallout herself. MOH can be a bridesmaid, and maybe one of the other bridesmaids will step up. If, however, your fiancee' thinks that she can get by with help from other bridesmaids, sisters, mother, whatever, and she really wants this girl to be the maid of honor, SUCK IT UP and deal with it. It's her friendship, her choice, and you're going to have to exercise your patience and bite your tongue. Love your girl, and be willing to support her even if you feel that someone else is dissing her.

I wish you the best of luck and many happy married years.

Some friend, What a thing to do, lord knows who you are? but I feel really sorry for you and your fiance, well, what are you going to do now? If I were you, I'd drop the suppose friendship with the, (MAID OF HONOUR)) go along with your previous plans, and let the other party do as they please, it will make them feel very guilty, but you two can hold you heads up, and just put it down to a bad experience.

Good luck, & have a happy marriage.

Well personally I'm not big into weddings but I know how much these things cost and I think your finances friend should have thought about your finances feelings before she started booking anything. I don't think it is fair what she doing but there's nothing really you or your girlfriend can do about it now. I wouldn't be telling her anything big that goes on in your life in the future.
Lesson learned, I hope!

This is a common occurrence. And hey...at least she didn't book her wedding the exact same day! Does your fiance have other bridesmaids to help her out? One of my bridesmaids is actually being much more helpful to me than my maid of honor, but I'm not stressing it. Is your fiance complaining about this or are you complaining about it behind her back?

And by the way, I would NOT consider this the utmost betrayal. Far from it. I can think of many things much worse than this scenario (including the best friend trying to screw around with your or something of that nature).

Let it go.

That is so cruel, I'd be gutted if my so-called best mate did that to me. She totally needs telling if your girl wants to save their friendship. Best of luck

yes, if she was her best friend she would of either held off until your fiance got married of chosen a date not so near to yours!!
and as for the same photographer and church she is either pleased with them and wanting to have them because you chose them or yet again trying to manipulate and copy you!!
the role of maid of honour is meant to be to help and support the bride and do stuff not think of hers the whole time.
has she asked your fiance to be maid of honour? i mean your fiance wont have time to do it will she as she has her own to prepare for!!
best thing to do is to sit down and speak to the friend and tell her what you think

good luck!!

No, it is not and whether you like it or not I will be frank and tell you why....

A bride's maid's duties are as follows...purchase her own out fit and be on time for the fittings.....be on time for the wedding rehearsal.......be on time for the wedding looking refreshed and pretty......holds the bride's bouquet and the groom's ring for the bride during the ceremony...she also throws the batchelorette party but not the bridal shower.

She is NOT a servant, a go-for errand runner....and her world does not revolve around the bride. Your bride doesn't need her hand held 24-7 and quite frankly it is her and your responsiblity to put this wedding together, not your bridal party members.Nor does the bride have an exclusive on a month, a church, a florist, or a photographer....I mean other brides are also using them, does this mean these strangers are stealing your bride's thunder from her as well????

You have to book your wedding date around many things, availablity of the church, hall, etc....and it also sounds like the girl wants to have her wedding before so she can concentrate afterward on yours without stressing about hers...how the h@ll is that selfish????

And whether you realise it or not...when you attend her wedding, since she is using the same church, etc....anything you see that you don't care for you then have time to tweak for your own....so it gives you a chance to see these vendors /priest in action and make changes with things you rather have differently.....

And where does it say that you and your girl have to get married first????? How the heck is that a betrayal?

Sounds like you'r rather immature expecting everyone to put their life on hold and revolve it around you and your wedding because you're getting married...that is neither Life or Reality...so here's your reality check, Toots.....