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There's this guy I know. He seems like he never need anyone in his life? |
He doesn't really have very many friends, doesn't have a girlfriend, doesn't have family, but yet he seems to be doing very well in life. He's still young and have more than what most people over 30 have. How could someone live like this, being all lone and have no body there for him but yet be so successful at what he do? No he's not a workalcholic. He work about 30 hours a week as a photographer. believe me , he does feel lonely. its just that he doent have many options. there is necessity in humane psyche for immediate and intimate close relations. that means its not a matter of choice or temper, if someone doesnt have it apparently then they will have to compensate in some way. when i said he doesnt have options i meant for example that the social circles he qualifies for making friends in are below his standards, or engaging in such circles would cause him more trouble/pain than he thinks the company is worth. i can tell you that because im exactly like your friend. i found that after a long, and publicly successful part of my life,i have few contacts and maybe no friends. i get the impression from others that they percieve me to be happy,successful, well off despite my general conditions being normal. i think thats because i did without socialising alltogether , the good and bad of it,so you dont see me worried about what my friends think of me etc etc. giving an appearance of happiness and satisfaction. and most of the time i am satisfied , except when i get these attacks of doubt and paranoia,when i feel lost and i dont know what i want or where im going anymore. thats because one of the benefits of close friends is to give you BEARINGS , or points of reference for you to understand yoursef and your life. from my personal experience, such a way of living is like a man who cuts off his hand because his finger hurts. He's one of the "lucky" ones.. Just contented with life as it is. good for him No one can live without others supporting. Maybe he had this person really important to him once and he promised them something, to be happy in life or something like that. If that person was really important than that promise is enough for making his self-belief last forever. I am so envious of that person, I cant do anything alone because im afraid of being lonely. that person is really lucky. I wish i could meet someone like that. You could try asking him that, maybe you'll discover something. I learned that people that dont care about loss or wins in life have to most fun, but its impossible to accomplish that. sorry for writing so much. maybe work keeps him happy, but inside it must hurt, surely. I'm very similar to this guy. I really don't have close friends or family, but I'm reasonably happy. Most of my family actually lives in Wisconsin and Greece while I live in Oregon. I'm 31 and single with a pretty successful career. If I wanted to, I could have close friends, a closer connection with family or a girlfriend. I might be getting more connections soon, but it will be my choice and not because I have to (I'm looking for a girlfriend, but it's not really a necessity). Most people are not like me at all - most people really need other people. I'm an introvert, and that explains a big portion of my situation. Introverts don't really need lots of social connection all the time, and that's unimaginable to many extroverts. I have enough going on internally that energizes me so that I don't need to get energized by other people as often. Your friend as a photographer might have enough creativity and internal self-support that he just doesn't need a social circle. It's also possible that some people actually have psychological illnesses that cause this type of behavior, like schizoid personality disorder or something. But there are many perfectly normal and healthy introverts out there, so your friend may be fine. |
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