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New Boyfriend and his ex-GF? |
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 weeks, about 7 months ago his ex dumped him. He was in the army and she lives in Germany, they had dated for 3.5 years. We started going out and everything has been going well. However, last night I saw on his computer desktop pictures of her, two were of the two of them together and then one of her laying on a couch wearing lingerie. Curious me, I then opened his internet browser and saw in his inbox messages to her. They began by her asking why he was sending pictures of her, he said that he had sent those pictures to a modeling agency or photographer. His ex is very pretty. From there they go on talking about what they are up to, he mentions me and maybe even sent a picture because in one reply she mentions that I am not pretty, that I am ugly. (I think she is being mean because I鈥檓 his new girl). Then, he does reply telling her that I am beautiful, but not as beautiful as her! How he has given up on the idea of ever being with anyone as beautiful as her! There is NO mention of feelings or about getting back together in the email. I still felt furious that he said that, he always says how beauty is all she had, that she was not a good person like me, but still, that hurt! I confronted him and at first he said he did not put the pictures on his computer, then he said yeah he sent them to a photographer. But why would he still be involved in her life like that, trying to get her a modeling job? Should I be worried? She is the one that dumped him, do you think he still has feelings for her. He assures me that he does not love her anymore and that he loves me. He said that beauty is all she has and that鈥檚 why he said those things to her. Besides that I have met his family and he has met mine, things appeared to be going well. She is in Germany and we are in the states. He said that he wrote to her because after they broke up she would write to him and talk about her new BF and he wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine. Still I asked him how he would feel if I started emailing my ex and saying how good looking he was, etc. He did not say anything about that. Anyway, I really like him and I believe he likes me, but this has really made me question him. Would it be wrong of me to make him choose, he either stops all contact with her or we break up? I was in a long term relationship (9 yrs, we started dating in HS) prior to this that ended only 2 months before we started dating and I stopped all contact. thats a tough one. I think now he has " given her a taste of her own medicine" he has done what he said he wanted to do, so he should stop all contact with her. If you ask him politely to stop contact and he refuses then he obviously doesnt care about you enough to respect your wishes and therefore isnt worth your time. However im sure that hopefully he will understand your point of view and stop contact. Good luck. You should get out of this relationship. He's still stuck in the past. I'm sorry, but I think this is off to a bad start. You can't dictate what he does and doesn't do. If this is what he feels is "ok" behavior, then he may not be the one you want to be with. The longer you wait, the harder things will be. Experience. Mine started the same way and here we are, three years later, going through a nasty break-up. Sorry but he has not gotten over her in just 7 months. Especially seeing that she dumped him. If he has gotten over her he would not email her at all. Also the comments about beauty are uncalled for. What a jerk! Now he can never make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. It had to have really stung to read those words....that you aren't as beautiful as she is. He has been unable to discontinue contact with her and it's not like he intends for the three of you to be friends....cut him lose and wish him well. Consider what would happen if she were in the states instead of Germany....then you'd be quick to walk away. Sorry for your disappointing experience. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure guys out. Good Luck You need to tell him how hurt and upset you are by his behavior. Then he needs to decide what to do. I think you should be concerned because he is trying to keep something alive that ended a long time ago. Maybe it didn't really end for him. He said some very hurtful things about you which tells me that he may still have unresolved feelings for her. You haven't been together for that long and you already have serious issues to deal with. Talk to him and make him understand how hurt you are. If he doesn't think that there is anything wrong with his behavior, then maybe it is time to call it quits. |
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