What do you think of my story so far?

Bare in mind I'm only 14! lol Con. crit. welcome!

Life on the Catwalk

鈥淢iss Mondita! Over here!鈥?br> 鈥淪mile for the camera!鈥?br> 鈥淗ow do you come up with this?鈥?br> 鈥淲hen鈥檚 your next show?鈥?br> 鈥淕ive us a smile!鈥?br> You鈥檇 think I鈥檝e got used to my life. But let鈥檚 face it. You can never get used to the Paparazzi. There鈥檚 no escaping them since they鈥檙e just-
Damn. I hear the heel on one of my blue stilettos crunch as I trip over yet another photographer in my mad rush to reach the other side of the airport. The bodyguards are meant to be doing their job you know. I鈥檒l have to get Linda to fix it. She can鈥檛 be that far from the plane. I mean, my life鈥檚 not half bad, I guess. It鈥檚 just I鈥檓 forever being told to get a grip and I have a fab life. And yeah,-
Ow! I鈥檓 elbowed by yet another photographer. Don鈥檛 they know who I am? I鈥檓 Tyla Mondita of course! Big label fashion designer.
And yeah, I probably do have a great life but- oh for crying out loud. Can鈥檛 I get anywhere?

Well, one broken heel and a ruined skirt later and I鈥檝e made it through the chaos to the Private Lounge. Not bad. Last time my favourite red beaded necklace fell off but it was no big deal. It was only 拢3,425. I got Linda to bring another one straight over.
But I鈥檓 telling you. It鈥檚 an absolute nightmare. I mean, I travel some place at least once a week and they still can鈥檛 sort out this mess. I鈥檒l have to get Linda on it.
Oh yeah, as I was saying before the madness started. It鈥檚 just they might find my life great but they鈥檙e not me, are they? They don鈥檛 have to deal with the paparazzi every second of the day. They get to eat their lunch without a camera lens stuck in their face. They鈥檙e not the ones who got pulled out of Art University at the age of 21 because of their sheer talent. I mean, yeah, it was for a good cause and everything but until I started making it big then people never took me seriously. I used to get called carrot head and things because of my strik

It could be worse.

It's good. Your grammer is good. Keep practicing and don't ever give up on writing.

its not bad but its not good if it was me i would say scrap it and write something from the heart something that you can feel but thats just me :)

:) I like it

Really good, keep on going. =]

It's good, when can we read more???

Enjoyable to read up to last two lines.

For your age group, it is really very good. Keep up the style throughout. Of course, by now you would have got a central plot for the story. Think of an unexpected climax. Plan the chapters, total number of pages, etc. Good luck!

Well done...for 14 you have a real talent there...My daughter will enjoy reading your novels in the future...I am sure!...Good Luck x

Very good. Am I supposed to like Miss Modita? She doesnt come across as very nice, but since there is so little to read, I cannot form another opinion. You used the phrase "half bad" or something like it too many times. There is a lot of time spent listening about her "Fab" life. All in all it really does show talent. I would break out the Thesaurus to make sure you don't get stuck using the same terms too many times. Great grammer! It's nice to see that from one so young. Keep writing and never let anyone tell you that you can't!!

Hey, hang on...

Do you go on BBC blast, by any chance? I think I recognise your writing; I've seen it before.

This is decent, but I have to ask...what's going on in the story? Is there a definite plot line already in your head, ready to unfold? At the moment, I'm not picking up anything. Believe me, an interesting story is immensely important...

If you are the person I'm thinking of, I think I preferred one of your other pieces of writing, though I can't remember what it was about - helpful, huh?

But like I said...this is good, as long as you've got a good strong storyline to support it the rest of the way. You should do a lot of research on your chosen subject, too, in order to make it as realistic as possible.

Good luck!

Well, I wanted to read on...!