My daughter is getting way too materialistic!?

My 13 year old daughter has relied on her cameras, cell phones, iPod, tv, clothes, and jewlery. She is becoming way too materalistic on me, which is NOT the way she was brought up. I've decided on a new rule. Each time she complains about not having something (and I'm not talking asking, I'm talking whining) or slams the things she does have ("Oh, this iPod video is all scratched, I wish I had the iPod Touch!"), then something gets taken away. Today I started using it when my daughter was almost in tears when her sunglasses weren't "cool" enough for her pool party, she was begging me in the mall for $300 desginer sunglasses that looked exactly the same. Now because she didn't think her sunglasses were cool enough, she has no sunglasses for a week.

We also used this on her new camera. She compained how her Olympus camera (brand new 7.1 megapixel) camera wasn't good enough as her friends, so too bad, camera is taken away for a week.

What do you think of this? Too harsh?

I don't know if I added this, but I am anything but materialistic. Most of the things she has is a birthday gift, from birthday money, or things she bought with HER money.

Yeah I don't think it's harsh enough even.

One thing that I still do is that every time I got something new, I got rid of something and I gave it to charity. So if I got a new pair of jeans, I had to get rid of something.

It also sounds like maybe your daughter needs new friends. Maybe sit her down and ask her why she thinks she needs this stuff? Maybe see if her friends are making her feel bad for not having good enough stuff or if it's your daughter's own self esteem and she feels bad for not being as good (or better) than her friends.

i think what you're doing is right. If she has to live without it, she'll learn to appreciate it. She needs to realize that mabye her sunglasses and camera aren't as cool as her friends are, but she's blessed to even HAVE a camera and nice sunglasses. Some people don't even have that.

Not too harsh at all.
She needs to learn that MOST people don't have the things that she does, and that she's very privileged to have these things.
I would also make her EARN new things until she has learned that they cost money. I used to be the same way until my parents divorced and we fell on tough times.
Realizing the value of money really helps with the materialistic outlook.

I thought about this and if I was in your shoes I wouldnt want to give them the old "when I was your age" speech, but if they ever got in to a lot of trouble I would take something they like and I dislike and donate it to charity. Then tell them how hard it was when I was a kid.

Going without sunglasses or going without her camera for a week is punishment??? LOL!! How about knocking her off that pedestal she has so proudly placed herself on!

I thank God everyday I have the 13 year old daughter that I do. She has not been raised to define herself by material things. She has been raised to appreciate the things she has, not whine about the things she does not.

Start spending more time with her outside the area. Take her on vacation, often . During the school year take weekend trips, and during the summer take the family camping for week then make random 1 night trips elsewhere often. Get her away from the pressures of being a teen from time to time. It will help her in the long run. She will fight it at first but in the end she'll appreciate it.

I think that you are on the right path. Something about teenagers makes them this way. My daughter is 14 and sometimes does similar things. I have taken away her things or just not gotten her anything so she can truly have something to complain about. I wonder if it's just girls? My boys are under 10. Good luck to you and God Bless both of us.

no that's defiantly the right thing to do if she learns now then itll do her better in life and by the sounds of it her friends ain't very nice if things aren't good enough for them, in less they're just really rich and shes tryin to keep up with them but still its the right decision

that's how 13 year olds are because all of their friends have all this stuff and they want to have the "newest" of everything. if you keep getting her all this stuff, though, she will feel a sense of entitlement and may develop a bad attitude.

I know you stated that your not materialistic but from your post I would say that somewhere along the line she has learned that behavior. Sometimes we don't realize it but we can have a huge influence in such small ways. Good Luck

Take it all away. Just pull the plug literally. everything iPod Cell Phone Camera take it. And keep it for a month. And if she ask you when she can have it back extend it another week. She'll learn

No, not too harsh, but you need to start with the source. What is influencing this materialistic attitude? You are her first example.

That doesn't sound too harsh, it sounds very fitting.

Not harsh. Sounds like this child needs to learn how good she has it.

Not at all...sounds like she has plenty already.

sounds like like she has too much already.

What she needs is a good lesson in humility and human suffering ~~ people who've survived with a fraction of what you, your daughter or I have today.
Take her to the Holocaust Museum in DC the next time you visit.
Take her to volunteer as an aide for the homeless.
Take her to do meals on wheels for the shut ins.
Get her to aide those children who live on the streets; the sick in a hospice; those who are suffering in a hospital in the burn unit.
This is a great start in bringing her to humility. Guaranteed.

Though I can understand you going about this method of discipline, I am sorry to have to break it to you, but she's going to continue to push your buttons and fight you on it and get around your restrictions.
Taking something away from me for a week never helped me. I just got a whacking and it was this way up until I was fourteen. If I had something taken away from me, it was for good.
Now, that I am a Mom, myself, I've learned from other parents, including my own and devised my own way of keeping my children humble so that they don't turn into materialistic adults. The only way I saw that was clearly effective was what I had suggested to you above.
Every Thanksgiving is a treat for the homeless and my kids are right there to serve a turkey dinner to each person.
They're better for it.

There is a lot of peer pressure on kids that age to have the cool gadgets. Most of them are not so much motivated by being materialistic as by wanting to fit in with the other kids. It would be good for her to do babysitting, have a paper route or mow lawns. She could use that money to pay the difference between the cool gadgets and what you think is appropriate. If a particular item appeals to her have her wait for her birthday or Christmas for it. Another thing that might help is signing the family up to volunteer in a homeless shelter ot soup kitchen once a month. Seeing another side of life might be good for her.

i agree with what you did, at 13 if she is acting like this at home imagine how she treats the kids not wearing the name brand clothing? explain to her that she needs to always look past the label on a shirt or someones jeans, or their shoes, and again i think what you did was great, she should be greatful to have the things she has, you know what im 15 i dont have a cell phone, i dont have a camera, i dont have a ipod, nor do i have name brand clothes, i dont have my own computer either, everyone in my house is a teenager except my mom(shes a single mom of 4 teenagers). i also dont have my own room or anything like that, and the whole sunglasses thing , would really make you want to ask her how she is treating other people.

You are in charge. You control her world. Take every thing away. Mattress and curtains is what I would leave in her room. You created this monster and it's your fault. Even with birthday money, you can monitor what she buys. Open a savings account and make her put money in it. Do some volunteer work so she sees how homeless people have to live. You have to stop this or you'll have one of those spoiled little brats who think a sweet sixteen over the top party is mandatory on your hands.