Parental Alienation??

I've been divorced for over eight years, now. I have no family left, except for my children who are now young adults. I had my first grandchild in Jul '07. I am always the last priority when it comes to him. I was frequently asked to babysit, but the baby cries until my daughter and her husband pick him up. I am never included in family activities as the other grandparents are. I feel used and not very important. I have invited them over for home cooked meals, taken them food, helped them financially, planned trips only to be cancelled. I have helped provide my daughter with photography equipment and babysat while she took classes. She wouldn't even take a picture at Christmas at my house, but hooked up her camera to show her sister all of the pictures she took at their father's house. He has always bad mouthed me. I recently came across an old story my daughter had written about me during the divorce. It sounded just like her dad. It breaks my heart. What to do, now?

i wished i had some words to say to help you, i don't know what to say.
every day is a new start, you have a life to live even if your closest people don't like you, just pull back from them for a while and you'll see that they will come back appologizing for they've done to you, give them space, give them time, i know it hurts but at least you save yourself.
good luck to everything you decide to do, you are clever and and a wise adult and i'm sure you will figure something out.

I can imagine it's hard but give her a dose of what she dishes out to you, maybe she'll notice and you and her can hash it out and resolve some issues and get back to a loving relationship.

stop doing everything first of all. she doesn't have to treat you well because you're accepting her behavior and still doing things for her! put your foot down and once she notices, talk to her. best of luck

Treat them how they treat you - see if they like it.

What comes around goes around.

You need to sit her down and voice your concerns AND allow her to voice hers. Seems to me that she has some issues with you... what they are, we do not know but asking her might help.

Don't bring up the story. That is old news. Discuss what is happening NOW, and how it makes you feel. Mention how you are always there for her yet it seems like she is never there for you. Don't accuse, defenses will go up immediately. Be calm, specific, and above all, when she DOES begin to tell you, dont interrupt her, let her have her say. But remember, allowing her to air her concerns doesn't mean that you don't have legitimate concerns as well (or visa-versa). Speak your mind as well. Communication is a two way street. Good luck.

One last note. Is this PAS? Could be. Not sure. I know many gender baiters deny the existance of PAS, but it is real and can even happen to a woman, just less often.

I hope it works out for you.

I really feel for you, you don't deserve this at all. It figures, though. My kids are late teens, early 20's, I've always love them tremendously, but they won't tell me a damn thing of what's going on in their lives. It really pisses me off. Their big thing with each other is "Don't tell Mom". And why? There's no reason for it. Anyway, this is a similar kind of thing. All I know is it seems like the more we do for them and the nicer we are, we get crapped on. And btw, my ex is a total ***, too.

I know someone in a similar position, who has basically thrown in the towel. She did not want to subject herself to the constant rejection from her daughter, who is younger, but she is anticipating when she marries and has a child. Her daughter had been pushed into choosing her former stepmother (who is crazy) over her mother. I would advise you to take care of yourself and don't be accessible to your daughter as it only causes you pain. She will come around if/when she matures.

Stop living for them and make a life for yourself. And learn to say no when they call wanting something.

Coming from a girl on the other side, don't 'treat her the same as she's treating you'. That's probably the worst thing to do, as it will confirm her belief that you are how her father describes you. Continue doing what you are doing, you're being a good grandmother and mother. Your daughter doesn't respect you in the way that she should and taking advantage of the fact that you're there and you're willing. Maybe it also shows that you're dissatisfied when she drops her child off with you. This moment should a pleasure to do, you get to spend time with your grandson. Plus, you're not being useless at all, she is coming to YOU to babysit. If she didn't trust that you to take care of him, she wouldn't do it.

Second, I wouldn't take things so personally. Perhaps it was an unconscious and not intentional that she took pictures at your ex-husband's home and not yours. She doesn't know that it hurts your feelings.

I'm going to have to agree with The Man on the Street. You need to sit her down and voice your issues with her, but conversations aren't one sided. Don't act the victim and listen to what she has to say as well. Good luck with that.