We agreed not to have kids 20 years ago, my husband now having the 2nd thought. What shall I do?

I decided not wanting kids. It was a personal choice. When I met my husband he said that he didn鈥檛 want kids either. I was relieved. We have been married for almost 20 years and had a wonderful life together. We were soul mates shared passion in photography and travel. We seldom fight and I thought that we were happy.

Recently, he was having doubts on this. Because I am already 44, he suggested adoption. This was a shock to me. Over the years, I always felt lucky that he was on the same page with me. I liked my current fee lifestyle and don鈥檛 want to change that. But I also believe having children is person鈥檚 rights. If my husband wants one, he should have one. But this will be too much sacrifice for me. I would do anything for him. Actually I quit my job in US and moved to Russia to be with him for 3 years. But including children in my life is something I am not willing to do even for love.

shall I leave so he could find somebody who can give him children?

It's sad that he may have to lose something he loves to have another thing that he loves. But, that seems to be the case. You need to have a frank discussion with him and let him know that you are not going to change your mind. If he really feels that his life will not be complete without a child, that is his choice to make. Only he can decide which is most important to him and whether or not he will resent you if he stays. Likewise, you are the only one who can decide if your love of your free life is more important to you than your love for him. Tough choice for both of you, I wish you luck and peace.

Tell him you're not changing your mind and if he can't deal with that, then he risks losing you.

only you can make that choice...

at the end of the day, you two need to talk fully and explain why each of your feels that way and the options open to you both...

You should really be talking to him about that. You can tell him your feelings about letting him go so he can find someone to have children with but that is very drastic. He might not like that idea. You said the two of you have a great relationship and I bet he wants to stay with you. Is there a compromise that the two of you could come up with? Could he volunteer at a big brother type of an organization so he feels fullfilled?

if he wants a child then let him go ahead and have it anyhow, you can divorce him if this does not go down well with you.

If you said NOT having children is your personal choice then HAVING children is still your personal choice. Your husband has a change of heart. As a man, he still be able to have kids even when he's 70. For a woman, it's not that easy. If you love him and still don't want to have kids, you just have to let him go.

I would not convince you to have children since you already made up your mind. As much as having kids can be a pain (no pun intended), when you get older, they can be the ones you rely on since we, women live longer than men. If you want to stay in the marriage then 44 is not too old to have a child. If you think having kids is absolutely a no no then you should let him go.

My daughter is a pain in the butt. I'm glad I have at least one. You should marry my ex-brother in law :-) He didn't want to have kids and my sister divorced him. It was too late for her to have kids and she regrets everyday. You don't want your husband feeling that way because he also has the right to have kids.

Wow, what a dilemma! I don't envy either one of you on this issue and I don't think it can be solved by us strangers on YA, but I do sympathize with you and with him. Best of Luck!

You will have to talk to him about it, but if he is that passionate about having a child and you are passionate about not having a child, then separation may be the only answer. I wouldn't just leave though. I would talk to him first to see if this is just a passing phase for him since he's getting older and beginning to think about his own mortality, this may be his way of "staying young" for lack of a better word. Talk to him.

Buy him a dog. Maybe that will tide him over for a few years until his back and hips start to hurt too much to even think about bending over to pick up a child. Then make friends with a couple who have small, unruly children, and hang out with them ALOT. Make sure to bring lots of gum and candy for the kids when you visit.

well, the way i see it, children (at least for me..childfree) is a deal breaker. if he wants to have children then you two need to break up and move on. it is YOUR body and you have the final say over what will or will not happen to it. he doesn't have a **** so he doesn't get a say. each man and woman is responsible for his or her fertility. if he wants children then he will need to find someone else to have them with (adoption and otherwise). stick to your guns.

That is nuts. There are plenty of Child-Free men that will gladly take you off his hands.