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What should i do? answer 2 questions please! im so confused? |
i love this boy ive been with for about 5 years (off and on...but mostly on) . he wants me to move in with him but i wont till i get my architecture degree in 2 years. my parents always taught me to be safe and he works at target...so ii know we wont have enough money with his job and my part time job if we do...1) how do i explain this to him nicely. tell him im not ready?? 2) i want hiim to have a better job than being 21 and working at target....i know he wants one to but he can't find one doing what he wants (designing, photography, video editing) so his dad offered him a job as a surveyor (sp?) at a very good company. it would have benifits and everything....but i dont really tell him to take it cause i know its something he hates and he may get stuck there forever and i feel like i would be responsible for telling him to take it. should he? even if its not what he wants? or is what he wants not totally revelant seeing that he doesn't have a degree??? help im so confused!!!! First of all, I really like how you said you want your degree first.. I am also getting a degree before making any major relationship commitment. I think you need to sit him down and tell him that you want/need a degree to feel financially safe. If he replies, "you won't move in because you dn't love me" (which most guys do if you don't do stuff they want) just reply "If you loved me you would let me make my own decisions" or something like that.. Second, don't pressure him into the job UNLESS you really don't see him going anywhere in life... I mean what if he's still working at Target when he's 35? The other job provides benefits, that he could provide for both of you guys. Why not ask him to take different classes at a local community college and see if anything sparks his interest? Tell him you don't want to move in with him until you get your degree. And you support his decision to work at Target, or wherever, and not try to force him to work someplace where he doesn't want to just to appease you. Money isn't the only thing that matters here. If you love each other,then you'll make it work. You're going to be an architect, for crying out loud! I doubt he'll work at Target forever. He's only 21... in a matter of 2 years he could go to school and do something with himself. Just be supportive of his endeavors, and establish yourself as an adult by living on your own and getting your stuff together. Just be honest with him. Tell him that you don't think it makes good financial sense for you two to move in with each other and that although you do love him you want to wait for things to improve for the two of you financially and in terms of your goals. If he really loves you then he'll respect it. If not then tell him to kiss your *** and move on. Just dont move in with the dude! you should not feel bad for telling him take it if you all want to move he needs to plus if he is true about his passion he would not give up everything that happens in your life is because of you! Everything that happen in his life happens because of him! So if you want to move in then do it if not don't but tell him you feel comfortable with him taking that job ...JUST COMMUNICATE! I hope what ever he does, he ends up getting a woman who loves him for him and not for how convenient the finances would be or if his job is prestigious enough. He must have a nice car and spend alot on you when you go out or you probably wouldn't still be with him. There's nothing wrong with Target. If he's 21 or 51. A surveyor would pay well and when you get your big architect degree maybe you can 'throw him a bone' and let him survey your big fancy building. I'm sure you'll have moved on by then and it will make you feel good inside. ill tell you why youre confused. you obviously dont have your priorities straight. if you love this guy as much as you say you do then none of that crap youre "confused" about even applies. its apparent youre more concerned about mommy and daddy and a paycheck. first, get over yourself and, second, do HIM a favor and leave him. The first question: It's great that you have your priorities in line and want to finish getting your degree. I would sugest not moving in anyway because one, you'll probably be shacking up and two, he works for target. Tell him the truth, you want your degree and you feel that the job he has is insufficient enough to support both of you. If you're afraid of loosing him over this don't worry about it, it sounds like you're young enough to find plenty of more guys. If both of you love each other, you BOTH can work this out, both of you must have to make sacrifices, not just him and not just you. As far as the 2nd question goes... Getting into the photography/ video editing business is never easy without a degree. It's a huge and growing profession, you just need the training these days. But it can't hurt to try. And for the job that his dad offered, if you feel that he should take it then TELL HIM. Let him know your opinions, don't make it sound like he MUST take it, but let him know what you are thinking. And yes, he probably should take it for now if it's better pay and with benifits, who in the world "likes" doing things. I don't like getting up in the morning every day, but I do it anyway. Anyways, I hope all that helps you! If not, hopefully you can handle it or you figure it out. Hope all goes well! |
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