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Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college? |
Personal Statement 鈥?Kadie Bark My name is Kadie Bark, I'm 15 years old and i am currently attending The Sheffield Springs Academy. I'm a pretty friendly, kind and patient person, and i am known to be bubbly and sociable, also i find it very easy to get on with people. I have a range of skills including: Numeracy Literacy Computers My creative instincts I'm practical Hard working Dependable I'm quick learner I'd say that my biggest strength was probably creative writing/writing to describe as this is the area that i do better in and i enjoy the most. My punctuality and attendance has been a little sketchy in the past, but over the past six months or so it has improved greatly and i aim to improve it even more. I have a pretty good relationship with teachers and pupils. I get along with most pupils in our school and have never had any trouble in the past. I think my teachers would agree that i am a sensible student who at times can get a little distracted, but is dedicated to completing work/tasks. My favourite subject in school would have to be English, as i enjoy writing, especially creative, and i love to read also. Another subject that i enjoy is Art, as i like learning new techniques and applying what i have learned to a piece of work. I have been on a few school trips before, the main one being when a small group of pupils went on a trip to France, Normandy. While we were there we looked into the historical aspects of the city by visiting famous landmarks, such as the Bayeux War Cemetery. I have also taken part in school events such as the annual sports day. While i was taking part in work experience, my job title was 'Nursery Assistant', the tasks which i had to fulfil include watching out for the children's safety at all times, making sure they were never bored and always had something productive to do and helping them settle down if they became upset, etc. The skills i gained from this experience are valuable life skills which will come in very handy in the future. I learned how to act around children, what to do in certain situations. For example if a child was misbehaving, they would have to apologise and have a five minute time out before rejoining the other children. I think my relationship with both the children and staff was pretty good. The staff never had a problem with how i was working and at the end of my work experience they thanked me for doing such a great job. Also the children were sad to see me leave. I did not actually get invited back to work at the nursery as if i was to have a official staff position there i would need to have some qualifications. And although i enjoyed my work experience, i don't think i will pursue working in a nursery as a career option. When i am not at school there are a number of different things that i like to do including hanging out with friends, going to the Cinemas, going Bowling, Skating, making promotional graphics for websites, talking to friends on msn, moderating and posting in forums, etc. I recently had a part time (Saturday) job at a hair salon, sweeping hair up, making tea, washing the customers hair, but i stepped down as i wanted to spend more time on coursework/revision. My favourite way to spend my free time would be hanging out, and talking to friends as i feel it is very important to have a healthy social life. I am also pretty into books and reading. My favourite book is Guitar Girl by Sarra Manning as i like her quick and witty style of writing. I also enjoy books from Meg Cabot as she has a similar style of writing. The books that i read are mainly teen oriented, but i do like to read other books now and again. In the future i plan on going to college and taking part in a full time English Literature course and English Language course. Other courses i am interested in taking are Photography, Music, I.T and Health and Social Care. I have not really made any ambitions yet as i am still trying to work out which career path i want to take. My hopes for the future are that i will have figured out what i want to do in life, and i will have passed all of my chosen courses and i will be happily settled in a well paid job. Hi Kadie, you've done a fantastic job, you are honest and believable and seem very genuine. Like eiremanne says, I would change the bit that says hanging out, there are 2 other things I would change - firstly, don't say 'I have not really made any ambitions yet', I would just take that bit out,and delete the word 'pretty' all the way through - just say you are good at things, it reads better that way. Other than that, its really great, well done! Best of luck. HI Kadie, This is fantastic, you are certainly very creative in your writing when i left school my personal statement consisted of "I want to have "a nice husband And 4 Kids" Lol. The only thing i would change would be the wording "Hanging out with my friends" to something like socialising with my friends as hanging out sounds like standing on street corners! Good luck with your future Jens XxX Me Yes it's pretty good: but probably leave out the bit about "sketchy punctuality" if you don't need to say it why bother. I am delighted you did not go for a writing style that is terse nor stark. You have developed your thoughts well and manage the language very well, indeed. You are clearly going to be an asset to the world here at some point, and I am not making fun. Thank you very much for posting your personal statement. It hardly needs to be corrected. What needs to happen is all of your teachers need to be given a great big hug for having done so well by you! Best to you, always. - Chris. My God, you are a walking resource. I wish you all the luck in the world, Kadie Bark! Sent with sincerity and good energies from Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old, and admire anyone who has a budding sense of self-worth.) I didn't read all of it, but if you're wanting to use this to apply to college, I would make one MAJOR change. The word "I" is ALWAYS capitalized, it should never be lowercase. Hope it helps. |
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