Should I continue on with this wedding? My finance and I all ready live as though we are married.?

We have been together 7 yrs and have lived together for 6. I was all ready divorced with 2 kids and we had 2 together. We have had a rough relationship but we always seem to work it out and stay together. We are actually planning on making it official and are planning on getting married in April 09. In planning this wedding it has actually been kind of depressing. In looking for a videographer and photographer I see all these couples. They all seem so in love and so happy. I hear them say how much they love this person and say all these romantic things. I just don't feel that way. We rarely say I love you to each other. I just don't feel "in love" like that. I do love him. It has been depressing because I see this and can't help but desire it. Like I said, we have had our ups and downs. And some of them major. I would feel weird stopping this wedding. You would think after 7 yrs we would know by now or not if we want to be together forever. I am just confused and don't know what to do.

I feel like we are getting married more because it just seems to fit. We have lived like we are married, we have kids and it just seems like the right thing to do. But not because we are so deeply in love. But, I don't want to make a wrong decision because of feelings or emotions. Saying we have been together even though we don't have that lovey dovey feeling do you think its ok? Is that lovey dovey feeling really real anyways? I mean, we do live life, work, kids, things are going to be different than the way it is for some 19 yr old newlywed couple.

The first six months are usually picture perfect in every marriage. Not always but typically!

What you are seeing on these videos/pics is the romance stage of marriage. No one has this beautiful perfect marriage 100% of the time. Marriage is a lot of hard work. A good marriage takes work every day. Its not a 50/50 relationship but a 100/100 relationship. Its normal to go through rough patches or times that you dont "feel" in love.

If you dont feel like you are ready to get married, why not put it off for another year. In the meantime, you and your fiance can get some counseling and see what you can do to rekindle the sparks! It sounds like you have a good guy. Dont give up so easily!

Sounds like two things are missing from this relationship- love and commitment. You don't sound like you're in love and you are probably beginning to resent the fact that you've allowed yourself to be his unpaid whore for seven years.
Get out and find a real man who wants to commit to you, and visa versa.

I don't think that you should get marries just because. I think that your not ready to get married to him and if you do, then your just going to be miserable. Not saying that you don't love this person but you need to feel something when planning your own wedding and since you don't, right now, you don't need to be getting married. Can you not put it off for a few years? Just tell him that your not ready yet and if he cares about you then he will be okay with this. You never know, he might be feeling the same way too!!! I would really think about this before you commit because once you say "I do" it's forever!!!

well it depends...why are you getting married! thats one question you need to seriously think about. I've been with mine for 10 yrs and have 2 kids with him. I do want to get married but only for my own personal experience of the wedding in general. We haven't done it because of the money issue. You sound like your not really too into it, almost like it would be a waste of money and possibly put more pressure on your relationship now.
Of course all these other couples are happy go lucky there just getting married! And there husbands are just the sweetest guys ever, there relationship is completely based on amazing sex, and they can't imagine being with anyone else! YA give em about 5-10 years with real life problems and guaranteed there not gonna be happy anymore!
My honest opinion to you is instead of spending massive dollars on something your really not feeling.....go on vacation with your man alone with no kids (almost like a honeymoon) have fun, find your spark again!

Honey do not fell dismayed! If you love him hold on to him. You just need some marriage counseling -- just a bit to help the two of you spice things up a bit. That's all. Tell him how you fell but express over and ove r again that you DO Love him! Get married! Make it official and plan a GREAT homeymoon together to get that spice in the relationship. What you're goint through is very very common. Just work it out!

You sound confused and well unsure get some guidance in life if you are not a church goer or have been backsliding in your walk with God then it is time to get to know him for the first time or all over again. Really if you want some direction in life and what to do with everything that is going on God is the answer.

May God Bless and bring you some insight into what you should do in your dilemma Amen.

Yes your right many of those couples are so "IN LOVE," because they haven't had any ups and downs and are looking forward to a big party but have no idea what comes after that.

I am in a similar situation but don't have any kids, we have been through so much and we aren't crazy in love all of the time but we both realize how much we matter to eachother. When we finally get married offically it will be a day for us- and a chance for us to recognize how far we have come as a couple. Then we will go on a long honeymoon ALONE - you should do that too. That would make any one lovey dovey.

You said it urself, all the couples in videos and photos seem happy and in love, wake up dear to real life, even if u were in love and u had a marriage and babies, it would end up the way u feel now, so i think u have the advantage of knowing how ur life will look like in the next ten years. all u can do is to try to enjoy the moment and sapice life a little bit. try to take the first romantic action and don't feel bad if ur attempt didn't work out.

Only you can tell what's right for yourself. By the sounds of it though, I would have to say why get married to this person. A wedding and marriage is supposed to be all of those things in those catalogs and magazines. If it's not, then it's not right. I too did the exact same thing when I planed my first wedding. I remember looking back at all of those people and wondering why they were so happy and in love, when my life wasn't like that. I just chalked it up as it was an advertisement, or just some off the wall bride. HOWEVER, since my divorce, while dating "real" men, and finding my way back to my high school sweet heart, my soul mate, I have found that love is much more, and it is exactly if not more than what you're looking at in those things. I understand the kids thing, but at the same time there is no reason to spend your life in a loveless relationship, because of children. Believe it or not, you're teaching your kids this behavior, and they will learn it be seeing your relationship, so when they grow up, chances are they too will settle into the same type of situation. I know you love him, I loved my ex husband too, but trust me, it's just not the same. Good Luck Dear & Chin Up!

Well, you say that you already live as if you're married. So if you do tie the knot, will your lifestyle change? If you want to make it official then go for it. Make sure this is what you both want. If it isn't, then you shouldn't feel bad about postponing or even cancelling the wedding. But, if you're having doubts, seek some counseling with your fella.

Honey....love changes. When you first get together it is full of passion and highlights and excitement....but you can't maintain that forever. It is still exciting and beautiful...but love is much more than that.

It is knowing the person you are with is trustworthy and dependable and someone you would trust your life with.

You two have withstood things...ups and downs...you have THAT COMMITTMENT and that is what love is. A vow that no matter what you won't run out on the other...you will stand your ground together and work it out.

Life is not easy...it never will be. No two people will always be on the same level and think alike and do things alike ...sometimes things will seem really off and distant....then you have to work at it.

You want romance....tell him! Tell him what you need. He can't read your mind. Maybe he doesn't think you need that. Maybe he isn't the person to give it. If he isn't...then you have to forgive him for not being the person you want him to be. But you can ask him to try....

it is ok to say...Hey can you tell me you love me? I need to hear that. hey...can you hold me...I need some hugging. Some men are just not into that romance thing....and pressing that issue might cause problems. It is a choice you have to make. Can you be unselfish enough to allow him to be him....and can you tell him what you need and guide him in your relationship?

COMMUNICATE! TALK to him. If you didn't want to be together you wouldn't be now. You are just on one of those times when you aren't on the same level. Work at it. Marriage is work....lots and lots of work. It is more giving than taking...more forgiving than getting what you want.

If this man is beside you no matter what...if this man is true blue...if this man has withstood the bad with the good...hang onto him. He is committed! THAT IS LOVE! That is the true face of LOVE!

yes we all want that shining knight to make all our dreams come true...but that is fantasy land. You have to grow up and learn that life isn't that black and white. It is made up of all kinds of colors and shades and what is good for one marriage isn't good for yours.

Realize that what others have might not be that good. They might have the romance...but do they have the STICK TO IT POWER you seem to have. Do they have the power to stay together when things go bad...and they will.

Remember...most of these people you see now aren't in the relationship as long as you...where do you think they will be after the honeymoon is over? Right where you are honey.

hang in there...be thankful you have a man that loves you and is beside you and is taking care of you and your children and isn't running out on you. HE IS A HERO! He is the everyday hero that we dont' acknowledge.

Go up to him and hug him and thank him for being there...for sticking it out and let him know how much you appreciate him too. THEY need it too....and you might see a litlte change now and then. You have to give to get back. Open your heart and romance HIM!

Make your romance....get a babysitter and take him out on a surprise date. Don't tell him where you are going and you take charge. That is sexy to men...they like to know they are persued too. Make a picnic for the two of you and take a blanket ...take some strawberries and feed each other. YOU make the first move and show him what you want. Believe me...he will follow like a sheep to slaughter. Men love it.

Don't sit there and wish you had it....GO FOR IT. You have the man...dont' just sit there....MAKE IT HAPPEN!




Susanna